Sleep Deprivation

"To the parents of Sommer Josephine Blaser:" we got a packet from the health department yesterday with information on how Sommer should be growing and progressing. There was also a pamphlet on postpartum depression. I looked over it and started to panic, I had so many of the symptoms! But I think there has to be more. I know I'm walking a thin line here, and I know that ppd is a real thing (thank you Brooke Shields) but I think that my condition is due to lack of regular sleep. How about another condition, syndrome called PPE -- postpartum exhaustion? Is there a pill for that? I think the prescription would be more sleep, but how does one do that with 4 children?

What doesn't help is that Eric has had a crazy schedule the past few weeks. He has been working really early and really late which means that I'm working alone here. I can manage but it really has gotten exhausting. He should have a more regular schedule soon but then he needs to recover from his crazy hours. (Last weekend he could barely function, he was falling asleep during singing time in primary.) He is suffering from exhaustion as much as I am. Isn't it a form of torture to deprive people of sleep?

Sommer does sleep but she doesn't burp very well, at least not when she is sleeping. So during the night I'll feed her and then try to get her to burp but she won't so I end up holding her for a while and usually I doze off for a bit then realize that I'm still holding her so I put her in the bassinet again but she doesn't sleep very long because she is gassy and uncomfortable so then she starts grunting off and on for a while which eventually leads to crying and wanting to eat again. No matter how I move her around at night, she just doesn't like to burp when she is asleep. So we still don't sleep well at night.

Today I was so tired. While Cannon was at preschool I had Laine watch tv and then do her computer games so I could take a nap. But what a wonder a nap is! Here's where the depression thing comes in, I was starting to cry, feeling guilty because I'm not nurturing Laine, but then I told myself that getting some more sleep will help everything look rosier and sure enough, I felt so much better after a short nap. We had 20 minutes before we needed to get Cannon and so I continued to neglect my daughter and I cleaned the bathroom and the kitchen floor, other tasks that were making me feel overwhelmed that were never getting done.

I know, it has only been 7 weeks since Sommer was born. I must say that I am so glad that she's here and I feel very blessed to be her mom. It is such a sweet feeling to hold a little baby. I know that she'll sleep through the night, eventually, and that in another year from now I won't feel this way. But for now, I am tired.