Yesterday's Diary

Dear Diary,
Yesterday I had to take that awful glucose test to detect pregnancy problems. Dr. phoned today with results already and all is well -- I could have told him that! But taking that test means that I had to be fasting, which is a terrible thing to make a pregnant woman do. I couldn't go to the hospital early because Eric had to be at work early so I went after I dropped Cannon off at preschool. (btw, he was really disappointed that he couldn't come with me and see the blood.) So it was 9:43 by the time I finished drinking their lovely magic potion. This time it was lemon/lime flavored, much better than the orange one though I also think that I've grown more tolerant of the taste of carbonation. Is that because my taste buds are dying or because I'm not as healthy as I used to be?

Then I had to wait an hour before they could draw my blood. Laine and I went and sat in a sunny courtyard near a waterfall and played CareBears. I think she was delighted to have my undivided attention. When I told her that in 5 minutes we needed to go back inside she said okay but when those 5 minutes were up she asked for 5 more minutes (she is starting to put up her fingers so show me she means 5 minutes). The compromise was that we'd come back outside for 5 minutes afterwards. She was calling the elevator something that sounded like allivator/aligator and she got a lot of "darling little girl remarks" from strangers. So finally at 10:45 they drew my blood and I was free to eat again. Eric had called to see how I was doing, so thoughtful of him and I really appreciated that he remembered, and he told me to go out to lunch after. But the problem was that nothing sounded good to eat. I was getting to the sick point by that time. Laine and I did go sit in the courtyard again but our original chairs had been taken and she was happy to go to the car with her snack. Oh, I need to add that when we got the hospital, as I was closing the sliding door to the van, Laine stuck her hand in at the same time to point to some Goldfish crumbs on the floor and the door slammed her little arm. I didn't close it hard but I thought that for sure I had broken her arm and I'd have to go into the ER and tell them that I broke my daugher's arm. It wasn't broken but there are matching bruises on each side of her forearm. When I picked her up to soothe her she kept telling me, "I'm not okay" which told me that it really hurt because usually she starts to calm down and says, "I'm okay."

So back to the food. The night before, Eric was watching Fast Food Nation, I think it is called, and I joined him just in time to see the guy puke up his super-sized BigMac meal. So the thought of fast food for lunch was making me feel even more ill. The solution was to drive through StarBucks and get a grande Orange Frappacino (is that how you spell that?), one of my new favorite things. No, this isn't a coffee drink, it is an iced, whipped milk and creme drink that I'm sure must be fattening but it tastes delicious, much more refreshing than a milk shake but not very substantial for a pregnant woman who hasn't eaten in 12 hours. Good enough. We went to Target and picked up what we needed, then back to get Cannon.

After lunch I was hit with a huge wave of fatigue. I just felt terrible, body and soul. I had that feeling the rest of the afternoon and into the evening. I was trying not to break out sobbing in front of the kids. I did rest for a little while but I didn't put Laine down for a nap so that didn't work out very well. She came in a few times and asked me to play CareBears and read books with her and after 30 minutes of trying to rest, I gave up and just sat there on the bed and tried to act awake enough to participate. Meanwhile, Cannon was watching TV and I was feeling guilty that he was turning into a couch potato since it must have been 3 hours by that time. (Though he had been running around outside at school and after school on the slip and slide and then with Ridge later on. ) I banned him from more shows for the rest of the afternoon and he cried and yelled until he fell asleep on the couch which didn't make me feel any better about my mothering skills. A side note, after preschool when Cannon saw my bandage, it had bled a bit more than usual so it looked nice and bloody, he said, "Why did they do that to you!" He is so sweet, so caring about his mom.

By the time Eric called to say he was on his way home I was to near tears to not cry. I had been trying to make dinner while Cannon was screaming at me from the couch and Laine was pulling at my legs to get me to go play with her. Eric called back a few minutes later so say that the kids were going to go with our friends to Ridge's school's Cirque di Silly so that we could go to the Designer Dinners appointment together. I felt bad having the kids go with the Malcoms because Shannon does daycare/preschool for a living and I didn't want to give her more kids to take care of when her day was done. But I was too exhausted to protest and was relieved that Eric and I could go together and I felt so grateful that it made me cry again. Of course in between the time when Eric called and when he got home Cannon woke up and was near hysterics because his leg and arm had fallen asleep and at the same time Laine whacked her head on the doorway so they were both trying to be on my lap and crying and making me cry too.

Eric surprised me for Mother's Day and got me/us 8 meals through Designer Dinners. It took us less than an hour to package up our meals and have them ready to put in our freezer. We have a great variety of food too. I've always wanted to try one of these places and it was great, no prep work and no clean up! I'll have to report on the meals later, though a lady in our session said that this was the best place compared to others because the meals seemed more gourmet. It was so nice to be with Eric for a little while and to just feel relaxed for a little while, it rejuvinated me enough to make it through bedtime. We went and got ice cream before picking up the kids who had enjoyed the school performance and were playing happily at the Malcom's, they didn't want to leave.

My cousin Benton and his wife Hailey arrived at 11pm. By that time I was tired but everything was calm and all is well. They are looking for a place to rent for a year while he does training to manage nursing homes, and they are staying with us for 2 nights.

I have to remind myself that I am a weirdo when I am in my 3rd trimester, an emotional basketcase. I'm trying to be nice to myself, and forgiving. We'll see if I can remember that past next weekend when Eric is gone again! Paige