Tuesday, April 22, 2014

win some, loose some

This isn't about the Pinewood Derby. Though I will post Cannon's results and tell you that even though he won 7 of his 8 races with his awesome, purple car, he placed 4th. He had fun, had a happy attitude, and more important, he's a good sport about cheering on his friends. 

Yesterday the results were posted for who gets to go onto the interviews for student council. Cannon didn't make it. He's sad. I'm sad for him. I went to meet him after school where the results were posted. I got there first and my heart dropped as I looked at the list. Then I looked down the hall and saw Cannon coming, a head taller than all the other kids. He had so much hope and anticipation on his face. I'm not sure if I did the right thing in getting to him before he could read the results. Maybe I should have let him read the list himself. But I couldn't. I rushed to him because there was a big crowd of kids next to the list and I told him I'm sorry but he didn't make it. 

It's not a popularity contest at this school. Cannon had to write an essay and the woman in charge of the program goes around and asks his teachers and people like the recess lady what kind of kid Cannon is and could he do this, would he be a good example to the other kids. The answer is a resounding YES! He is a terrific boy. He is caring and watches out for the underdog and he's good at including everyone. He's also a gentle giant who has been made fun of a lot this year, who has struggled to find his place, and who has been struggling with school work this year. I'm most upset because this opportunity would have given his self-confidence the boost it needed. He tries hard. He has to or he can't succeed at school. 

At church on Sunday the lady sitting behind me leaned over and said, pointing to Cannon, "you've got a really special boy there." Then she proceeded to tell me that she works on recess duty at the school and she's so impressed with Cannon's kindness and patience. I thanked her and she said she gave Cannon the highest recommendation she could for student council. I'm glad I was able to relay that message to Cannon before yesterday. He had people on his side. We did a lot of talking last night, as Cannon was crying, about how he'll have his moment, how this doesn't mean he's not a full of all the qualities they're looking for on student council. It just happened that way. He was a good looser and said that he's sad but he's happy for his friends that did make it. See? He's that kind of kid. 

I know, someone has to win, which means someone has to loose. I just wish it were some other kid yesterday and not mine. Cannon needs a big win in his court. It will come, I have no doubt about that. But, like I told him last night, he's still a puppy growing into his paws. (He liked that analogy but then it made him cry again because he really wants a dog and we still can't get one for him because we have a no-pet-rule from our landlord again.) 

Here's an addendum: 
When I was making lunches, after posting this, a poem my mom had us memorize started going through my head. It's called "Prayer of a Sportsman," and it was one of my grandpa's favorites. I could hear him saying it as I thought of the words. I didn't memorize the entire thing, the first two stanza's. And after I googled it I saw that the Nebraska Cornhuskers repeat their version of it before the game. This one is the one I memorized. 

Dear Lord in the battle that goes on through life, 
Give me but a field that is fair. 
A chance to be equal with all in the strife,
the courage to do and to dare. 

And if I should win let me live by the code
with my faith and my honor held high. 
And if I should loose, let me stand by the road
And cheer as the winner goes by. 


Shannon said...

Oh Paige, I am sorry - ugh. It doesn't really help much knowing his moment will come, or that this disappointment will give him greater empathy, or that the sting will fade. Sometimes life isn't fair and it just stinks. The amazing thing is that the Savior knows exactly how Cannon is feeling; He knows exactly how we feel as moms. When He carried our sins, sorrows and burdens in the garden of gethsemane, he experienced this very moment. Bless Cannon's heart for being happy for his friends. But when he is sad, he doesn't have to carry it alone. Hugs to you.

kelly said...

i love that sweet Cannon boy.

Shannon said...

love that addendum!

Ron and Shanon Sommer said...

Wonderful, tender words about a beautiful boy.

K. Laura said...

It is so hard to watch our children cry from heartache. I am so sorry! Cannon is such a sweet boy. In a leadership role or not, he blesses the lives of those around him by being kind and good.

Pamela said...

You're an amazing mom with an amazing son. His day WILL come. Thanks for sharing that poem and your heart.